words, words, words…

November 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm 1 comment

“…I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through, first from him now from you – is that all you blighters can do?”

– irrelevant quote from “Show Me” in My Fair Lady. Because I couldn’t resist.

——————————————————————

“So this is where the magic happens?”

He knows I’m a writer, and this was his response to the word document filling my computer screen. It was filling my screen, all right, enough for me to be glaring intensely at all the words that weren’t behaving.

No magic. Just unruly words that don’t look right, don’t sound right, don’t communicate.

I’m in a frustrated relationship with words right now.

Maybe this explains why this little blog has been sadly neglected – well, in addition to the fact that I’m constantly writing for my internship and my classes and I don’t have time to sleep or eat dinner before 11 pm, let alone blog.

But I’ve also felt at once wordless and crammed full of words that are unnecessary because they’ve already been said. Believing that you don’t have anything new to say does not contribute to a healthy blog.

And, stupidly, I tend to bottle up just when I need to untangle myself through writing the most.

What has been tangled up in this semester so far?

So much newness. New experiences, classes, jobs, relationships, lifestyles. It’s been crazy, wonderful, hard, stressful, exhausting and exhilarating. Sometimes I feel like I’m flying; other times like I’m drowning.

For the record, I never feel like I’m just walking. I tend to do everything in some kind of passionate extreme.

And then we can add in the last two weeks, which have been a mess of confusion, brokenness, anger, and grief for my campus. In case you’ve been living under a rock, news of an alleged sex abuse scandal involving former football coach Jerry Sandusky has taken the world – and the Penn State campus – by storm. It’s a horrible, sordid story that likely involves at least eight young boys. It’s also resulted in the firing of our beloved head coach Joe Paterno and university president Graham Spanier.

There’s been lots of confusion, arguing and crying, especially two weeks ago when all of this surfaced. Lots of tears and prayers, especially, for my friends who seemed to be re-watching their own story, blown to epic proportions. Raw grief and memories.

I feel honored to have been there with them. But this whole thing has been very hard. And wordless, because I feel like it’s all been said, argued, written. That’s why I haven’t mentioned it before.

I’m still proud of my school. Proud, especially, of the students, who are outraged at this abuse and are trying to do everything in our collective power to help. We’re raising money and awareness for child abuse, we organized a candlelight vigil with over 10,000 people. (And the media still only talks about the fact that we rioted Wednesday night when news of the firings broke. There was only a fraction of those people downtown rioting, and it dispersed pretty quickly too.)

I’ve also been really, really mad at the media. Which is weird, because I am a communications/media/journalism student. I understand their jobs. Sometimes I consider myself to be on of them. But I’ve been mad. And I get to look at this crisis from a PR point of view, too – and say quite frankly that we did an awful job.

It’s been a weird, exhausting bit.

I’m finally at home where I can process it a bit more objectively, a bit less sensitively. But I’m just tired of talking about it by now.

So there you go: words that don’t feel like words. Words that try to explain my semester and my absence from writing and may or may not work.

I’m not on the best terms with words right now. Especially because I’m (supposed to be) working on five feature stories and one fiction story at once.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

yes, i have a midterm for ballroom loving the little things

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Annie  |  November 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I feel very similarly. I love words, but since I’m forced to channel so many of them academically, I’m starving for words elsewhere.

    Reply

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