Yikes

I am officially done with classes.  For freshman year. 

Yikes. 

That sounds so weird. 

Finals are this week; one online whenever I want, one Tuesday, one Wednesday.  Not a bad schedule at all – but still.  It’s finals.  Yikes.  And I do not want to study; I want to spend time with all my amazing friends who I won’t see for a few months.  Or forever, since I know about five people who are transferring, and that’s just tragic.  And so far, I haven’t really been studying. 

– Wednesday I went to the aforementioned Italian restaurant for dinner; I also had a hangout with my Navs Bible study and then watched the Shawshank Redemption with some friends.  A fairly good movie, albeit a little violent, and they killed my favorite character!  But still, it made me think. 

– Thursday was the aforementioned freshman/sophomore worship; I also went to the last Cru and then over to my friends’ apartment for Theological Thursday, which I’ve only been to a couple of times but is very fun.  Basically, some of the juniors thought it would be fun to have a designated time to get together and hang out and talk about deep issues that don’t really come up in normal conversation.  And then some other classes have been joining in, here and there, and I love it.

– Friday, my speech class was cancelled so I snuck into my friend Megan’s theatre 100 class because this week was Musical Theatre week, so they were talking about different shows and some of the TAs/actors were doing little performances.  Obviously, it was a blast.  Musical theatre is very dear to my heart!  Yesterday was also the Cru formal; my entire Bible study went (and there’s about ten of us!) and we all got ready together and my friends did my hair and it was amazing! 

– and today was the Navs picnic.  With way too many good-byes, or avoided good-byes – “I’m sure I’ll see you around…”  But anyway, it was fun.  And it actually felt like summer, which is fantastic because according to this college schedule, that’s what it’s supposed to be!  But really, nearly 90* for the first of May?  Lovely.  Though a bit hot, because I spent the entire day outside playing.  After the picnic some of us decided to have a water balloon fight; Mel had 500 water balloons and we also had two launchers.  I think  it was more fun filling the balloons than actually fighting with them, and let me tell you, I got a lot more wet standing in the bathroom trying to tie them than I did outside when it was hot and I actually wanted to get wet!

– and now I have to study.  And everything is crashing in on me – the lack of motivation to study, the sadness that the room looks kinda bare because my roomie’s moving her stuff out tomorrow (but going home Tuesday, via the bus…which means I’ll be all alone for two days, which means let’s pray I don’t drive myself insane), the sadness that I won’t see these friends for a while (or ever, for the transfers and graduates), and the just overwhelming sensation that things are changing.  again. 

And, my gosh, I hate change.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m so excited for the summertime and to go home.  But I just feel like high school and college are difficult seasons because there’s never sure footing – as soon as you feel like you’ve got something figured out, carved a little place for yourself, people leave or you leave or things just change.  So this is reminding me, again, that God is the only one I can depend on to never change, and that I need His grace to be flexible and adjust to this always-transient lifestyle.  I’m also being reminded of this quote from C.S. Lewis, that I wrote about earlier:

“Notice how we are always perpetually surprised at Time. (‘How time flies!  Fancy John being grown up & married!  I can hardly believe it!’)  In heaven’s name, why?  Unless, indeed, there is something in us that is not temporal.”  – C.S. Lewis in a letter to Sheldon Vanauken; qtd. in A Severe Mercy (93)

I’ve just been realizing how much of eternity has been planted in my heart – how I really yearn for the time when everything will be made right and made new, when there will be no more separations or fears or anything.  It will be just perfect.  And it will never end.

And I can’t wait.

And now, I must get back to studying meteorology!