trusting and spring break

February 23, 2010 at 5:43 am 2 comments

It’s amazing how often I forget who is really in control. 

I start trying to control things: myself, other people, my future.  I get upset because I can’t make everything turn out neatly or go the way I want it to.  And I get worried and worked up for no reason. 

I forget that I can relax; that I don’t need to worry or try to control because it’s already taken care of. 

I see this in my life especially in the area of friendships.  I’m still in the stage of trying to make and grow friendships here at college, trying to plant a lot of seeds and then wait ing to see which ones blossom.  And just tonight I was feeling kind of sad that I can’t go on a spring break service trip with a bunch of my friends; I feel (irrationally) that if I don’t go, I’ll be left out of all kinds of fun and memories and friendships, and that one week of bonding will be enough to shut me out of their lives for the rest of college.  There’s plenty of reasons why I shouldn’t go this year – for one, I want to go home; for another, I need to go home so I can go to the doctor’s and do some more treatments for this stupid Lyme’s disease; and for another, my bank account really wouldn’t appreciate it – but I still feel sad, feel that if I don’t go I won’t have any friends. 

Granted, part of this is that I’m writing after midnight, which is usually the time I start getting irrational, loopy, and generally blue.  But another part really is that I can’t control everything and so I’m spinning off into clouds of stupid worry.

God so kindly brought me back to my senses a minute ago.  He reminded me that He is in control, that He gives good gifts to His children, and that one of those good gifts is friendship.  He created me for community and friendship; I am even created in the image of the greatest and most perfect friendship, that of the Triune God.  He reminded me that He’s come through before when I desperately wanted friends, and given me girls so amazing that I honestly don’t know what kind of a different person I’d be without them.  And I can’t actually control anything, nor should I.  I can trust Him to bring people into my life, and He is in control of everything.  And that’s all that really matters, because whatever He works out will be for my greatest good and His greatest glory.

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Entry filed under: faith.

break my heart flowers in her hair

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Joanna  |  February 23, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Oh, dearest. I know exactly how you felt. But you’re right – whatever God works out is the for your greatest good and His greatest glory.

    Love,
    one-friend-“down-here”

    Reply
  • 2. Becca Anne  |  February 24, 2010 at 2:48 am

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who worries that if I don’t make it to one lunch with friends, one trip, one something, that I will be forever out of the loop! But I can’t imagine you being left out of anything – you’re such a joy to be around!!

    You have a beautiful, trusting spirit. Thanks for sharing it with us 🙂 And you have my prayers!

    Reply

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